... i'm sorry...

hey everyone... it's neko-chan... 

so i guess i was right, that poem did stink.

i only have two more, so, if you want to see them, just keep reading.

if you don't want to read them (as i can understand), just stop here.

bye

  she was...

in love

in love for the first time

she couldn’t keep her mind off of him

especially his eyes, bright aquamarine blue, her favorite color

the boy next door

she was...

afraid to confess

afraid of the awkwardness

that would follow rejection

of the inevitable confusion if he could ever accept her

they had too many memories shared

too much to lose 

they were too close

too close for love

and yet...

still

day by day, she changed

tried to be more noticeable

more kind, more interesting

more anything that would earn his approval

she straightened her hair

ignoring her own Linkin Park and Simple Plan style,

 she drowned herself in classic rock and jazz

remembering him mentioning in passing

that he liked them

she tried to be more outgoing

dedicated herself to finding out more

more about him, his likes

and committing them to memory

bright jewels against her uniform gray surroundings

she made it her mission

to talk to him everyday

at least once

she planned out conversations

that would never happen

a year passed, uneventful,

yet highly colored, charged with meetings and words exchanged

she became a junior, and he,

a year ahead, 

became a senior

time, running out, became more precious

she tried harder and harder to be remembered

at the end of the school year, she tried to tell him

tell him what he meant to her

what he had always meant to her

too late

the bus came to take them home

she wouldn’t see him again

Linkin Park’s ‘Faint’ reverberating in her head

she smiled, tears making her eyes shine

and followed him

her life was a soap opera

not even one of those good ones with actual story lines

just some cheesy, probably spanish soap opera

watched by housewives and mocked by everyone else in the world

she can just picture the opening scene:

it would be a soft fade in, of a girl sitting forlornly at the kitchen table

dispiritedly shuffling through stacks of letters addressed to her

all from colleges, all simple templates with her name edited in

the girl takes a bite of her green apple and adjusts her ipod

turning the music loud enough to drown out the rest of the world

a door bangs open, her younger brother arrives

blue eyes scowl at her from under a curly mop of blonde hair

wrinkling her nose at him, the girl looks through the mail again

there’s one more thing for her, a pink envelope for an all-girl’s college

and it’s in Colorado she remarks to herself

it wouldn’t be so bad to get away from everything, especially her family

she sighs and gets up, throwing the rejected envelopes into the fireplace on her way upstairs

suddenly, her ipod died, her favorite song shutting off abruptly

cursing under her breath, she continues up the stairs to her room

closing the door behind her, she opens her window and steps out, standing on the roof below

moving so as to be hidden from anyone not looking specifically for her

the girl closes her eyes and basks in the warm sunlight, singing to herself softly

the song ends, and she lays down and curls up

allowing the gentle wind to caress her, she slowly, softly falls asleep

only to be startled back into reality by a screeching voice

“Katherine! Get down here!”

the girl sighs again, getting up and stretching

going back through her window and downstairs

only to be faded out again

ok, so maybe it wasn’t that bad, but still

she tried to list the soap opera-ish characteristics of her life

and lost count, running out of paper

disgustedly, she threw the paper into the fire, watching it turn from gray graphite to black ash

the most important things were:

her mother hates her

her brother thinks she’s a ticking time bomb and tries constantly to set her off

her father thinks she’s in love with someone she’s not

her friends keep trying to pair her with different people, senseless combinations

one friend insists that she is going to find her a prom date

the other was asked to prom by someone the girl almost had a crush on

two of her best friends were going out, and everyone knew

she might be asked to prom by a girl simply to ‘protect’ that girl from a couple

her grades were dropping

her brother was failing english, and her parents were taking it out on her

and, perhaps worst of all

she found out that the boy she loved had a girlfriend

and that he thought of her as nothing more than a friend, if even that

and, she added, feeling her stomach

her mother might have poisoned her smoothie, the only thing she ate that day in an attempt to lose weight

she sighs and lays down on her bed, letting her imagination carry her away

disjointed scenes, predominantly red and black, flickered across the back of her eyelids

drifting to sleep, her wild, macabre, sadistic, merciless imagination formed a cohesive dream

it was of her suicide

eyes still red and puffy from crying herself to sleep one too many times

the girl knelt in front of her window and gazed up at the full moon

she shed one tear, then softly, lovingly, ran the knife blade over her left wrist

she was found with an ethereal smile on her face

and no one cried at her funeral...