she was...
in love
in love for the first time
she couldn’t keep her mind off of him
especially his eyes, bright aquamarine blue, her favorite color
the boy next door
she was...
afraid to confess
afraid of the awkwardness
that would follow rejection
of the inevitable confusion if he could ever accept her
they had too many memories shared
too much to lose
they were too close
too close for love
and yet...
still
day by day, she changed
tried to be more noticeable
more kind, more interesting
more anything that would earn his approval
she straightened her hair
ignoring her own Linkin Park and Simple Plan style,
she drowned herself in classic rock and jazz
remembering him mentioning in passing
that he liked them
she tried to be more outgoing
dedicated herself to finding out more
more about him, his likes
and committing them to memory
bright jewels against her uniform gray surroundings
she made it her mission
to talk to him everyday
at least once
she planned out conversations
that would never happen
a year passed, uneventful,
yet highly colored, charged with meetings and words exchanged
she became a junior, and he,
a year ahead,
became a senior
time, running out, became more precious
she tried harder and harder to be remembered
at the end of the school year, she tried to tell him
tell him what he meant to her
what he had always meant to her
too late
the bus came to take them home
she wouldn’t see him again
Linkin Park’s ‘Faint’ reverberating in her head
she smiled, tears making her eyes shine
and followed him
her life was a soap opera
not even one of those good ones with actual story lines
just some cheesy, probably spanish soap opera
watched by housewives and mocked by everyone else in the world
she can just picture the opening scene:
it would be a soft fade in, of a girl sitting forlornly at the kitchen table
dispiritedly shuffling through stacks of letters addressed to her
all from colleges, all simple templates with her name edited in
the girl takes a bite of her green apple and adjusts her ipod
turning the music loud enough to drown out the rest of the world
a door bangs open, her younger brother arrives
blue eyes scowl at her from under a curly mop of blonde hair
wrinkling her nose at him, the girl looks through the mail again
there’s one more thing for her, a pink envelope for an all-girl’s college
and it’s in Colorado she remarks to herself
it wouldn’t be so bad to get away from everything, especially her family
she sighs and gets up, throwing the rejected envelopes into the fireplace on her way upstairs
suddenly, her ipod died, her favorite song shutting off abruptly
cursing under her breath, she continues up the stairs to her room
closing the door behind her, she opens her window and steps out, standing on the roof below
moving so as to be hidden from anyone not looking specifically for her
the girl closes her eyes and basks in the warm sunlight, singing to herself softly
the song ends, and she lays down and curls up
allowing the gentle wind to caress her, she slowly, softly falls asleep
only to be startled back into reality by a screeching voice
“Katherine! Get down here!”
the girl sighs again, getting up and stretching
going back through her window and downstairs
only to be faded out again
ok, so maybe it wasn’t that bad, but still
she tried to list the soap opera-ish characteristics of her life
and lost count, running out of paper
disgustedly, she threw the paper into the fire, watching it turn from gray graphite to black ash
the most important things were:
her mother hates her
her brother thinks she’s a ticking time bomb and tries constantly to set her off
her father thinks she’s in love with someone she’s not
her friends keep trying to pair her with different people, senseless combinations
one friend insists that she is going to find her a prom date
the other was asked to prom by someone the girl almost had a crush on
two of her best friends were going out, and everyone knew
she might be asked to prom by a girl simply to ‘protect’ that girl from a couple
her grades were dropping
her brother was failing english, and her parents were taking it out on her
and, perhaps worst of all
she found out that the boy she loved had a girlfriend
and that he thought of her as nothing more than a friend, if even that
and, she added, feeling her stomach
her mother might have poisoned her smoothie, the only thing she ate that day in an attempt to lose weight
she sighs and lays down on her bed, letting her imagination carry her away
disjointed scenes, predominantly red and black, flickered across the back of her eyelids
drifting to sleep, her wild, macabre, sadistic, merciless imagination formed a cohesive dream
it was of her suicide
eyes still red and puffy from crying herself to sleep one too many times
the girl knelt in front of her window and gazed up at the full moon
she shed one tear, then softly, lovingly, ran the knife blade over her left wrist
she was found with an ethereal smile on her face
and no one cried at her funeral...
